Orgy Stories

One of the first questions I get when I tell people I’m nonmonogamous is “Have you ever been to an orgy?” and I have no idea what images and stories people make up in their minds about me when I tell them yes, I’ve been to many. So let’s talk about it. What are orgies like?

The first thing to know about orgies, is that nobody calls them orgies. At least not in the nonmonogamous communities I’ve been a part of. They’re referred to as play parties and they really are more centered on adult playtime than explicitly sexual acts. Of course, sex happens at most play parties, but it’s often not as intense and serious as you might be picturing.

Every play party is different. There are play parties at organized establishments where you may have to pay to enter, there are play parties hosted at friends’ houses where most everyone knows each other, there are play parties that occur organically when horny nonmonogamous people are all vibing. I think when most people imagine an orgy, they picture some dark dungeon basement where complete strangers are all swapping STDs. Don’t get me wrong, those places exist, but I’d like to perhaps dispell that stereotype.

Most play parties in my experience are a lot more wholesome than you might think. The majority of the play parties I’ve been to have been hosted in friends’ homes. They start with a trust circle where we all sit together and share our most recent STD-testing results, what we’re hoping to do that evening, and what boundaries we’d like to set. For example, someone might say “I’m Jill, and I got a full STD panel last month with all negative results. I do have HSV-1 and take valacyclovir daily to manage my symptoms. I’m not having an outbreak tonight. I would love to have someone massage my head while I’m having penetrative sex with my partner. I don’t like when people touch my feet, so please don’t touch my feet.”

Every space I’ve been to that hosts play parties also typically has a vanilla area where no sexy things are allowed to happen. Play parties can certainly be overwhelming, and often people want to take breaks from all the action. Usually these areas have snacks, beverages, and super chill vibes. I’ll admit I’ve probably spent more of my time in the vanilla areas than the spicy ones at most play parties I’ve attended.

Another myth I’d like to dispell about orgies is that everyone has to participate. If you’re ever at a play party where you don’t wish to participate and feel pressured to, you’re at the wrong play party. Enthusiastic consent is a must. Lots of people go to play parties just to soak in the vibes.

One of my favorite play party experiences is what I like to call the “uno reverse” story. I was at a play party in a friend’s basement, and I was in the mood to watch and feel myself. I sat on the couch and watched all my friends having sex and masturbated. As I was about to climax, I closed my eyes, and finished. When I opened my eyes, all my friends were looking at me (when I finish, I’m quite loud). I was surprised, and said “Wait no, I was supposed to be watching all of you, not the other way around!” and one of my friends said “Uno reverse!” and we all laughed. It was a beautiful, funny, wholesome moment, and I feel it’s more representative of my overall experience with play parties than any particular sexual activities I’ve engaged in with a group.